I have almost written this post numerous times before, but never got around to it, probably because I got too busy doing something else. Story of our lives, right? We are always busy, we are always living in fast-forward, going from one moment to the next, and in our brief moments of downtime, we are thinking about what we are going to do next. Or maybe it's just me. But probably not; It's probably you too.
It's not that I don't enjoy living this way, because I do. I like go-go-going all the time, from one adventure to the next, no dull moments. I like being busy, and I like having things to do all the time. In fact, my last post was also about time, and how we shouldn't waste it because we don't know when it will run out. But let me be clear: I don't rush through the things I do. I like taking my time doing the things that I do--riding, hiking, writing, working out, spending time with friends and family, cooking, baking, drinking wine, eating... Ask anyone, if I enjoy it, I take my sweet ass time doing it. I just rush from one thing to another. No down time. I get too bored and there is always something I have planned, something I want to do RIGHT NOW.
The problem is that I have no fucking chill. Zero. I need to be doing something all the time. I can hardly go on a simple vacation. In fact, the last time I almost wrote this post was back in March. I was in Maui with my parents and brother, it was perfect and sunny and beautiful, and I should have been perfectly content sitting on the beach, drinking Mai Tai's and Dark and Stormy's with my parents, RELAXING. But I could only do it for so long before I just got so agro. I wanted to go ride road bikes miles and miles every morning, then go kayak or paddle board, then go snorkel, then go sit on the beach, then go to yoga... But first of all, I was there with my family, whom spending time with always takes precedence, and second, there's not enough time in the day, third, I had a sinus infection and really needed to just sit the hell down and relax and recover.
Now, here I am, three weeks post face-first, fast-paced bicycle dismount, with a fragile collarbone, prohibited from doing most things for the next three weeks. Seriously, I am allowed to run (on flat ground), and hike. Needless to say, I am having a really hard time with the R&R. Mostly because I didn't plan it. If "chill out for 6+ weeks" was my idea, it would be fine, but my fall plans consisted of a lot of riding through perfectly gold leaves and water skiing and maybe a couple more races. Nope.
I need to stop. I need to relax. I need to heal. I know this, but it was only three days after my crash that I was out the door running (I hate running) because I was bored. I hiked 20 miles with Aksel five days after my crash just so I would have something to do all day. Speaking of hikes, why not do R2R? The little devil on my shoulder has even tried to convince me that riding my road bike would be fine (it wouldn't be). I blame this on my mother, who also cannot relax for more than an hour at a time.
Luckily just before my psychotic break a couple of days ago, my massage therapist, and wonderful friend, gently reminded me to "calm the fuck down, Alex. Just chill the hell out. I know it sucks to be hurt, but this is your body's way of telling you to take a break. Take your time and enjoy the slow down, look around, breathe a little deeper... It's good for you." And then of course I realized, yes, duh.
I may have been forced to slow my body down, but I hadn't slowed my mind down. I was still running 10 miles per hour over the speed limit when really I shouldn't be going faster than 10 miles per hour at all. My body AND mind need to recover, and they depend on one another. And though there is no great time to be injured, now is pretty ideal. My race season was pretty much over when I got hurt, and it's not ski season yet. So I'll be down here, working really hard on my chill.
Writing is something I have always been passionate about. I love sharing my stories, my thoughts, my advice, but mostly, I write to record memories and express myself. So here are a few of my fondest memories, best and worst moments, my most profound and boisterous thoughts, and riskiest advice. Enjoy!